Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
