In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
