U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
