i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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