jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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