Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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