mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
