So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize