Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
