wat bout pragnant strippers??
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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