i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
