he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
