your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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