Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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