I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
