i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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