I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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