Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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