A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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