when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
