I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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