No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
