I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
