Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize