You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize