And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
