i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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