Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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