is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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