soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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