She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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