this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
