I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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