I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
