Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
