Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
