I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
