My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
