By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
