I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My dick has a subreddit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
