worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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