I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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