Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my sisters under your porch take her home
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
