i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
