Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
