i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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