There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want her autograph on my taint
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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