I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
