Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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