IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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