im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
