I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
