dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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