It's Friday. Sex?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
