As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
