come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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