She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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