I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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