Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
