omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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