Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
