i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
