You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
