Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
