So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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