Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My penis needs a shock collar
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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