he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize