All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize