Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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